I submit to you a dilemma posed by Mer, who needs relationship advice and has asked me to ask my normal, functioning friends their take, but first, did y'all see American Idol tonight? Did you see the freakshow at the very end, the one with the blonde Pippi Longstocking wig and Dorothy dress? That's the one I interviewed. And how about the one who looked like Tina Turner!?? Saw her live -- or was that a dude!?? Because s/he sure looked like one on stage. And I vaguely remember seeing the Statue of Liberty guy, too, but at that point, I was probably just too bitter at being up at 4:30 a.m. in the rain and cold.
And now, on to our dilemma.
Suppose you've been dating this guy for five weeks, and everything's been going swimmingly, better than any relationship in which you've ever been involved, bar none. You're going to spend the weekend with him like you've been doing for the previous four weeks, but you've promised one of your friends that you'd go out with her at some point over the weekend. Guy says, "Have fun," and you go out with your friend. As you and your friend are wrapping up the evening, you call guy and tell him you're on your way back to his crib to which he replies, "Cool, see you when you get here." But when you get there, you ring his buzzer, and he doesn't answer ... for at least a half hour, and you're standing in the snow and cold. Seething and not a little drunk, you catch a cab back to your own crib.
Interesting title, considering how "cat-like" this character's aloofness (is that a word?) makes him seem.
I've always hated the games people play, and the second and triple-guessing that we go through trying to figure out if we're being played or they're really genuine. There are times when I'm so very happy that I'm in a committed relationship.
So here are the possibilities.
A) You're being played.
Get out. You don't have to put up with this. Don't think you can change him, you can't. Don't think you'll win him over, you won't. This isn't the movies. Hugh Grant isn't even Hugh Grant in real life.
B) You're overthinking.
Everyone deserves a "Get out of jail" card. Since it's still early in the relationship, this may be only a one time thing. If it happens again, you might consider moving on. (Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.) Oh, and buy a cellphone so you can call him from his door... apparently the phone *will* wake his sorry ass.
C) He's turned state's evidence and entered the Witness Relocation Program.
Buy a VW microbus and roam state to state trying to find him. Turn the occasional trick for gas money. Train to be a Dentist's Assistant and get access to the National Dental Records database. Take his government-issue wife out of the picture. Marry him and live happily ever after. This one's a keeper. ;-)
Le roi est mort,
Dix
Dix is a wise man. Which is probably why some wonderful woman already has him.
I do think there is a lot of room between your choice B and choice C.
I wonder why she waited in the cold and snow for 30 minutes. Why didn't she grab a cab sooner if he didn't answer the door? (Also, as Dix suggests, CELL PHONE, hello?)
I would be perturbed about the situation, but his explanation seems reasonable. If he has a pattern of behavior of not calling thus far, why is she surprised by this instance? She either needs to let him know that it bothers her; or she needs to call him herself; or she needs to chalk it up to that's just him and blow it off.
Keep in mind, you can't change people. So, even if she tells him that it bothers her, he may not change his behavior. If she's important to him, though, he'll make an effort.
Is this situation a red flag? Not yet. It's too soon to tell. If it becomes a pattern of behavior, then hell's yes it is and go with Dix's A scenario.
Dix is a wise man. Which is probably why some wonderful woman already has him.
I do think there is a lot of room between your choice B and choice C.
I wonder why she waited in the cold and snow for 30 minutes. Why didn't she grab a cab sooner if he didn't answer the door? (Also, as Dix suggests, CELL PHONE, hello?)
I would be perturbed about the situation, but his explanation seems reasonable. If he has a pattern of behavior of not calling thus far, why is she surprised by this instance? She either needs to let him know that it bothers her; or she needs to call him herself; or she needs to chalk it up to that's just him and blow it off.
Keep in mind, you can't change people. So, even if she tells him that it bothers her, he may not change his behavior. If she's important to him, though, he'll make an effort.
Is this situation a red flag? Not yet. It's too soon to tell. If it becomes a pattern of behavior, then hell's yes it is and go with Dix's A scenario.
Cl@Ng!
Welcome Sister Kaffy.
Welcome Sister Kaffy.
Two wrongs make a rite,
Dix
I think that she over-reacted.
HOWEVER, I say this with love for Mer - because I, too, have unleashed the crazy Snidge on many a man.
Here's my advice.
Cool, baby. Just play it cool. He'll call. And when he does, you're all light and breezy - and maybe you're busy making a cake and will have to call him back.
In the meantime, assess whether this dip is worth it. I mean hellooooo I told you I was on my way and you fell ASLEEP? Don't be excited to see me or anything.
Yeah, if a women I was newly dating was on her way over, no way would I be able to fall asleep. Sounds like he is testing you.
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