Probably not since I just discovered I even have a sick, sick love of him after the dream I had last night. In the dream, he was on some sort of special mission -- it wasn't 24 or anything -- and he was with a wife, but he had a really hot bed scene with a younger chick (played by 24 daughter Elisha Cuthbert, strangely, though I think she's freakin' hot, dark eyebrows be damned). It ended up where the two of them had to say "goodbye" because of the wife, but Elisha didn't want to let go, yadayadayada. And there was a cruise ship (of sorts), grocery store and all these people I know crammed in a room on the ship involved. I was bummed when the alarm went off.

PS And now I have the chorus to a song I've never heard in my head. Too bad I'm not a musician anymore.

Before CA called and woke me up this morning, I was dreaming that Mother was a heroin addict, and that I took off running down the street to escape her and addictness, but some scary men on bikes started to chase me, so I ran to the neighbors, and they staged an intervention of sorts, I think.

I don't THINK I ate anything bizzare last night, so I have no idea why it was that I dreamt this morning of Third Watch -- except the only characters I recognized were Bosco and Faith -- and the episode had the crew going in to an inner city high school dance where there was thought to be drugs, so they also bring K-9s, one of which was an alligator (!) that could climb walls (!!). And the alligator was the one who eventually found the whole shit ton of white, powdery drugs stashed in the ceiling tile; he came out with it his snout. Arrests were made, and all was well with the world. Also, Bosco was going down on a domestic charge, and all the women cops took up the cause against him. Oh, and Dakota Fanning was in the dream, and she was taking an Elizabethan acting class that required her and the other students to figure out how to jump from one side of a cliff to another. No, she didn't fall in, the little scamp.

Yeah, I don't know either, man.

Here's what my favorite dream interpretation site says about alligators:

because it's never pleasant to dream that one of your most beloved exes has been mowed down in a hail of gunfire because he didn't kowtow to the county's political party line.

Yeah. Lemme 'splain.

See, the county in which I live and breathe is exTREMEly political and therefore exTREMEly, and rather bizzarely, corrupt. Like, as in, people in high places know which way their employees vote; the person elected as the County Clerk is still working as an attorney full-time; and nepotism, nepotism nepotism to beat the band, among other various and sundry situations unbecoming to public office. Well, said ex was never one to tout the party line.

(Sighs dreamily)

About J: Met him at an 80s party that a couple of my respectable married friends held what, seven years ago (OMG). He was a deputy prosecuting attorney for the county, six years my senior and just incredibly brilliant and intense. And motherfucker could COOK -- I mean, like gourmet stylee. He could take leftovers that he had in his fridge for like weeks and turn them into restaurant food. He lived in the Miller section of Gary about 100 yeards from the beach, and I was crazy about him. My friends and I had these delusions that he and I would become this power boho couple, living by the beach and throwing interesting parties with our interesting friends, never mind that between the two of us, we wouldn't have cleared $50,000. Still! We would be witty and urbane! A power couple in the County of Lake, if you will.

That of course was before he dumped me after a month and I went all crazy pussy on him, back in the day when I was wont to try entirely too hard. He is also a non-exaggerated alcoholic, actually losing his law license for six months because of two DWIs within something like two months of each other. (The second one, he was driving home from the bar that was maybe 3/4 of a mile from his crib, and he flipped off the Gary P.D. Heh. That's my J.)

It's here that the dream picks up.

So.

Guess who's decided she's not coming back from Kansas City? No, seriously. You get three, and the first two don't count.

When I told her about it, she said I sounded surprised, and I s'pose on one hand, I am, if for nothing else than because she's leaving behind a four year-old daughter. Otherwise, she's worthless, and the family's better off without her.

Meanwhile, the ol' Butterball must have some heavy dream-inducing qualities -- or else I'm just hornier than hell -- because check out THIS dream from this morning: The part that I remember picks up during a party where I'm apparently back together with DtR, and we're both wearing lime green shirts and black pants (in respective gender type, of course, but still, ew, matching). So then, fast forward to the, um, group scene (ahem) with me, DtR and ANOTHER former ex and his ex-wife involving a strap-0n (!?), and then me and him lying in my bed in my old room at my parents house (NO, nothing weird was going on), when ANOTHER ex walks into the room with a magazine and points out a classified ad that hinted around at my involvement in the group scene. At the bottom of the ad was the e-mail and IP for yet ANOTHER ex. And? I was worried that Mother was going to find out about it.

This morning's dream? Not quite as fun. This time, I was supposed to be covering a River Forest High School (!?!?) basketball game (!!) at Lake Central High School because the team had made it to regionals or something, but first I had my annual girl-plumbing appointment at Planned Parenthood, which was for some reason attached to a Catholic hospital. I got into the elevator, and it of course got stuck and wasn't lined up with the floor (one of my biggest fears), and then it came time for the exam. [WARNING! WARNING! TMI MOMENT ABOUT MY PRIVATES TO FOLLOW!]